For me, this is a topic sans conclusion. Currently, I am on the medication side of this debate; not necessarily the side I would like to be on.
I have been medicated for bi-polar disorder now for roughly seven months. Before that, my Doctors were trying medication for depression and anxiety on me. Before that, they had tried giving me drugs to help my erratic sleep behaviour. Even earlier than that, I was under treatment for post traumatic stress disorder. For nearly two years now, I have felt like a test subject for the medical field of mental illness; bouncing around from one diagnosis to another. As frustrating and as much as I struggled through experimenting with so many different drugs, it does not compare to when I felt completely alone battling with myself.
Honestly, I prefer the idea of living a drug-free healthy lifestyle. Taking supplements. Eating all-natural organic foods. Exercising regularly. Maintaining a healthy spine and nervous system. And I have certainly tried doing these things while maintaining my medication. Unfortunately, the aforementioned things did not make me feel healthier. I don’t think giving up the drugs is even feasible. It took so long to find the right mocktail for me to finally feel somewhat stable, I would hate to step back into the fight for my sanity.
Taking these meds comes with side effects. I am very uncomfortable in my body with the weight that I have put on. My blood pressure has increased. There is vibration in my hands. My vision blurs in and out sometimes. My eyes are sensitive to light. It can be difficult to concentrate. Plus whatever hormones are in these meds will probably take ten years off of my life. Then again, life un-medicated is a life I had once wanted out of.
So where to go from here? On one side of the fence are my sister and sister-in-law. Two people who I look up to as examples of healthy living. One lives completely drug-free and sees a Chiropractor regularly. The other lives the vegan lifestyle and regularly attends yoga classes. Both are healthier and happier than I could ever dream to be.
Then there’s the other side of the fence. Not necessarily the wrong side, but certainly the compulsory one for now. This is the side that is always throwing pills at me. They are also actively helping to stabilize me. Without the help of my Doctors, I don’t know if I would be in such a state of recovery right now.
In previous posts, I have casually mentioned that I am crazy and I have anxiety and I am a cat lady. This is the first time, however, that I have specifically spoken about my ailments. I am hoping that this can be considered another step in the right direction. It is scary to put yourself out there exactly as you are. But I do so with big hopes that there will be a positive outcome.
Sadly, this post is a little heavy and I have no cheerful ending for you. I can never say how things will turn out. One thing is for sure, I wake up every day and I take life one step at a time. I will keep picking up the pieces, no matter how long it takes, until I am complete. So I guess all I can really say is stay tuned. 🙂