Roughly a year ago I painted my bedroom bright pink. There was no reasoning whatsoever, I just felt it then did it. It happened exactly like that. Redecorating was nowhere in my priorities when I woke up that morning; then by the end of the day, my room was pink. When I was little, I wanted to be cool and tough and run around with the boys. So I didn’t like pink because it was gross and weak. As I grew up the ploy continued, most of my opinions were based on wanting people to like me, guys especially. This continued into adulthood. So after 28 years of this, why the sudden change?
Sometime last autumn I went to a Psychic fair. Say and think whatever you want about Psychics. I won’t judge you if you don’t judge me. I honestly don’t know if I believe in it, but I like to keep an open mind. It can be entertaining and some of it is really interesting. In fact, I spent more time asking them about their beliefs than asking for any kind of guidance.
I was killing time waiting for a past life report to be printed out, so I sat in on a lecture. The Medium, whose name I can’t remember, was speaking about colours and their meanings. She said that we choose the colours that we wear and surround ourselves with based on our energy, without ever realizing it. She pointed out a lady in the room who was wearing white and explained that white stands for purity and light. The lady gave kind of a snort laugh that made everyone giggle. Then the Medium went on to say that it also represents cleanliness which is why you see it in hospitals because wearing white and surrounding yourself in white offers a sense of healing. The lady stopped laughing. When she got to purple, the colour that I was wearing, she explained that it is the colour of the crown chakra (which is on your head) and if your aura is purple it means that you are very spiritual. I nearly let out a snort laugh of my own but she went on to say that purple can represent elegance and luxury and that wearing it can provide a calming energy for those experiencing anxiety or depression. Busted.
So I did some researching (Googling) about colours and their meanings. There’s a lot of information available. Some of the meanings contradict each other so I am putting little weight on what I found; but still, I am fascinated with the idea that I could have painted my room pink with no thought process whatsoever because my subconscious decided that I needed it. Some of the meanings I found for pink are: insight, originality, creativity, self-knowledge, perception, poetry, and self-esteem. What alarmed me is not that I am none of these things, but rather that I am desperately searching for all of them. So maybe this means nothing. Or maybe for one moment a simple colour change represented an opportunity to get in touch with a part of myself that I had yet to explore. Maybe I was tired of feeling lost and heartbroken so I took a chance and did something for myself with complete disregard to what anybody else would think about it.
A year later and I’ve integrated a few other pink pieces into my life. My room is still pink but my favourite addition is my pink laptop aptly named Molly. I haven’t morphed into a princess or anything and my all-time favourite colour is green; but I am loving the feeling of taking care of myself. There is still a lot of work to do. Much to discover and lots of self-loathing to work through. Plus now that I’m not trying to convince anybody to like me, I have to face the chance that I may end up alone forever. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll love every part of myself – crazy bits and all; then it won’t matter if I am alone. One thing’s for sure, when given the choice of companionship versus self-actualization, I choose me 🙂